It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
