I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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