It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
