my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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