Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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