when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize