Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
