when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
