Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
