Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
