Whats the glycemic index on semen?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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