Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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