Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
