Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
