He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
