After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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