So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
