he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
