Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
