he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
