he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
