he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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