so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
