So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
