Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
