I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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