the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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