Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
