This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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