Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
