dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
