Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
