My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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