she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I believe in your delicious
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
