I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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