my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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