Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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