Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
