I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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