She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
