Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
