You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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