I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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