we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
