Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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