chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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