Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I need water and some morals
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
