Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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