I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
