so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
