i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
