I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
