Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
