would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
