I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
