Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
