the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
