I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
