the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
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