im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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