The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
