I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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