I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
