Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
