were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
