they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
