i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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