I just pynch a tree in the face
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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