my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
