his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
