I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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