I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
oh god the rape fog is back!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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