2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
