the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
