apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You have to summon your inner elephant
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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