Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She even gives head with a lisp.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
