I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
