just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
