I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
