you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
