my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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