May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
