R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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