We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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