hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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