2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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