Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
