8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
