They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
