You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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