The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
