that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
