I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
