I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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